They F You Up How to Survive Family Life In this groundbreaking book clinical psychologist Oliver James shows that it is the way we were cared for in the first six years of life that has a crucial effect on who we are and how we behave Nurt

  • Title: They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life
  • Author: Oliver James
  • ISBN: 9781569243237
  • Page: 276
  • Format: Paperback
  • In this groundbreaking book, clinical psychologist Oliver James shows that it is the way we were cared for in the first six years of life that has a crucial effect on who we are and how we behave Nurture, in effect, shapes our very nature In a remarkable analysis of science and popular culture, James combines the latest research with revealing case studies, interviews, aIn this groundbreaking book, clinical psychologist Oliver James shows that it is the way we were cared for in the first six years of life that has a crucial effect on who we are and how we behave Nurture, in effect, shapes our very nature In a remarkable analysis of science and popular culture, James combines the latest research with revealing case studies, interviews, and biographies with the likes of Michael Jackson, Mia Farrow, and Prince Charles to prove his point In addition to presenting his findings, James explains how they can be a source of liberation in our lives Through the use of provocative questions and insightful examples, he helps readers better understand the way their childhood past is affecting their present and how to be your own scriptwriter He also argues that his findings could have huge implications for society as a whole A top seller and recipient of significant attention in the U.K They F You Up is an opinionated, entertaining read which causes us to ponder the origins of our present behavior.

    They F You Up How To Survive Family Life by Oliver James Sep , They F You Up takes its title from the Larkin poem This Be The Verse, and is an introductory thesis to the idea that our personalities, and level of mental health y ness are shaped by our childhood and not by genetics. They F You Up James, Oliver They F You UP is a good call to the way in which we can work towards changing the damage done by our parents through better life experiences, better relationships, and good therapy Simply reading this book can put you on a good road towards feeling better and stronger. They F You Up Oliver James Bloomsbury Publishing About They F You Up Do your relationships tend to follow the same destructive pattern Do you feel trapped by your family s expectations of you Does your life seem overwhelmingly governed by jealousy or competitiveness or lack of confidence Quote by Philip Larkin They fuck you up, your mum and They may not mean to, but they do.They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just They fuck you up, your mum and dad They may not mean to, but they do.They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you.But th Mick Gordon The Only Thing They Fear Is You DOOM Apr , videos Play all Mix Mick Gordon The Only Thing They Fear Is You DOOM Eternal OST YouTube Bfg Division Duration Mick Gordon Topic ,, views This Be The Verse British clinical psychologist Oliver James published a book in entitled They F You Up, starting each chapter with a line or stanza from Larkin s verse, followed in by a further book on parenting and child development called How Not to F Them Up. Facebook Log In or Sign Up Create an account or log into Facebook Connect with friends, family and other people you know Share photos and videos, send messages and get updates. youtu We would like to show you a description here but the site won t allow us. They F You Up How to Survive Family Life Sep , They F You UP is a good call to the way in which we can work towards changing the damage done by our parents through better life experiences, better relationships, and good therapy Simply reading this book can put you on a good road towards feeling better and stronger.

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      276 Oliver James
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      Published :2020-03-10T12:13:38+00:00

    About "Oliver James"

    1. Oliver James

      Oliver James is a clinical psychologist, writer, broadcaster, and television documentary producer He frequently broadcasts on radio and acts as a pundit on television.He is the author of several books, including Affluenza, which examines the role that consumerist aspirations play in making us miserable.In 1997 he presented The Chair for BBC 2, a series that put celebrities on the psychologist s couch, and in which Peter Mandelson famously shed a tear.Oliver has produced and presented several other television series about the issues surrounding mental illness, and various psychological aspects of British society He also presented a series for This Morning on child development and is a regular contributor to several broadsheet newspapers.He is a trustee of the Alzheimer s charity, SPECAL and lives in Oxfordshire with his wife and two small children.

    257 thoughts on “They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life”

    1. I remember listening to an interview with Steven Pinker on NPR right after The Blank Slate The Modern Denial of Human Nature was published There were these angry moms who kept calling in and telling him, What do you mean I can t micro manage my child s personality They should read this book instead They d love it Despite the title, the book doesn t say that parents are necessarily fucking up their children What it does say is that children really are blank slates, and just about everything about [...]


    2. Beautifully explained and truly enlightening, it helped me figure out why things are wrong with me and it also made suggestions on how to make it better A must read for everyone,especially people planning to be parents


    3. Using as examples of various personality traits and problems, Oliver James cites the lives of Prince Charles, Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, Paula Yates, serial killers and victims of sexual abuse in They F You Up In the process, he has written an accessible but scholarly treatise on the role of care, or its lack, in early childhood His observations and quotes from various studies make a convincing case for the primary function of good parenting in raising children He breaks down the process into peri [...]


    4. This was very interesting, but equally pretty depressing if you have parents like mine and equally probably if you don t Lots of fascinating facts tm like sexually abused girls are likely to start menstruating an average of six months before those who are not, and if you have been very stressed by a variety of factors before the age of three, then your production levels of cortisol are permanently changed, yes that s right for the rest of your life Also, if you have no exposure to human languag [...]


    5. I ve never really read a book like this something that allows me to hold up a critical mirror in order to really assess what comprises me as a person It was an interesting, thoughtful and, at times, worrying upsetting experience to be able to so easily apply the archetypes laid out within this books pages, and so easily map them to your own character traits and personality Oliver James writes in an easily accessible way, which is great for somebody like me who hasn t got the background lexicon o [...]


    6. Simply written the book explains the most fundamental elements to our psyche which are often years forgotten by most of us, our infancy During the course of reading however at times faced with bitter facts, one can understand so much about not only herself but her parents, her siblings, and almost everyone one might encounter It s greatly enlightening, with practical ideas that have the power to make one want to make changes and see the world differently Having finished reading it, rather than b [...]


    7. This book wasn t as life changing as I expected, but it did leave me with a sense of relief It allows for introspection with some clever examples about why we are the way we are our parents of course, hence the title , but it also leaves you feeling that all is not lost and that once we recognize these things about ourselves we can change them.


    8. They F You Up takes its title from the Larkin poem This Be The Verse, and is an introductory thesis to the idea that our personalities, and level of mental health y ness are shaped by our childhood and not by genetics Indeed, the earlier something happens in childhood the crucial it is for our early development, as it lays down the brain s basic pathways and shapes what we expect to happen in future Often people discount the importance of events in babyhood early childhood as they can t be reme [...]


    9. I picked this up thinking it would be useful next time I teach family communication and it will be James argues that personality and character are determined much by environment than by genes, and cites seemingly valid research to back it up He also points out that environmental variations can be subtle for instance, it s not possible for first born and later born children to have the same experience of family life They F You Up may also be helpful in the gender communication class, since stude [...]


    10. Written by a clinical psychologist, this book is head and shoulders above the typical self help book because the author really knows what he s talking about and actually uses a combination of studies and clinical experience to back up his assertions I definitely learned a lot about myself and my relationships from reading this book and doing the exercises in it I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to change their life for the better And should I ever have kids, I m definitely going to read [...]


    11. A lot of food for thought Should be read before having children My 4 stars are for it providing some food for thought At times though I thought he shoe horns research to fit his theories At other times, I found his theories of the different selves unhelpful because they are overly simplistic He makes reference to some psychoanalytic concepts to provide back up for his own perspectives Some of the exercises might provide some limited insight but they may also uncover issues that a person alone ca [...]


    12. This book favors the Nurture Environment side of why we are the way we are Pretty good book with helpful insights Fairly graphic descriptions of abuse and violence difficult to take, but are used to illustrate how people visit their experiences onto others Some bad typoswhy So many books these days are filled with them.


    13. A very interesting book, and one that goes farther than anything else I ve ever read in nature v nurture The answer, according to Oliver James, is about 99.9% nurture Plenty of evidence and examples are given, such as the fact that many child abusers were themselves abused as children, i.e nurture made them that way Highly successful people are much likely than anyone else to have lost a parent when they were a child, and their despair drove them to achieve Babies born to poor, uneducated, nutr [...]


    14. I absolutely agree with Oliver James and think that although genetics has some part to play, we are mostly made by nurture It is contentious and controversial we really don t like being told that some things that happen to kids are the fault of the parents, however, I am certainly in agreement, as difficult a pill it is to swallow.A must read for anyone with kids or even better for anyone about to have kids


    15. amazing information on nature vs nurture did you know that our genes are not much different from that of a fruit fly and yet, people are always so quick to blame any unwanted or negative qualities on genetics haha this book delves into how the way our parents act and react towards us shapes our personalities and our psychosis very interesting.


    16. the title should explain it all the first time i saw the title, and straight away i think of parents not necessarily mine, but in general and i wasnt disapointed it really is a book, a rather technical book, about parent children relationships.a real eye opener, worth considering Oliver s point of view.


    17. When i read the synopsis I thought this book is for me I m fascinated by child development and how my own upbringing has made me who I am today At times it was a bit pf a hard read due to the sciencey nature of it but otherwise made total sense to me and I loved the interactivity of it.


    18. This is actualy one of my favorite books It teaches you a lot about how your family life can influence you as a person.


    19. Wow wow wow as someone from a very turbulent family background and a history of rocky mental stability, this book is irreplaceably insightful Kindly and humbly written with emotional audits you can complete yourself for each section of the book, I have such an insight to why I am the way I am and feel so much free knowing that my neuroses, depressions, and anxieties need NOT be set in stone I have always kept very close tabs on my mental state out of awareness that I am at a very high risk of g [...]


    20. Insightful read with the emphasis being on understanding yourself and rewriting your future, and NOT blaming your parents for what they didn t get right Really good read.


    21. This is not a blatant attack on parents on how they raise children, but They F You Up is an examination on deliberate parenting and encouraging you to look within yourself It s not just how you were raised, but how you perceive how you were raised and how you deal with that information as an adult and in your relationships James, while he allows for the nature nurture debate and genetics, definitely leans on the side of nurture The process of building personality and traits is incredibly complex [...]


    22. This was an interesting read, however I m not sure I buy all of what the author is saying James is very explicitly a behaviourist, and is adamant of the fact that it is our upbringing and how we are treated by our parents or primary caregivers that determines who we are, rather than our genes there is no bit of both in the nature vs nurture debate as far as this author is concerned It s all a very interesting read though, and he does make a lot of very interesting and plausible points In short, [...]


    23. I bought this solely because the title interested me No, I haven t had a bad childhood While I do believe that who we are is definitely shaped by a little bit of this and a little bit of that , I definitely agree with his assessment of why siblings can be so different.It reminded me of Dawkins a little in that he s pretty strident which gets wearing after a while I was also a little surprised at the attack on the right wing during Thatcher s time as PM, but since I wasn t in the UK at the time, [...]


    24. Much needed alternative to the 80 s 90 s genetic determinist dogma that has so polluted the zeitgeist for the last 20 odd years James undermines the very foundation of much of the nature side s domination of the nature nurture debate twin studies conducted in the early 1980 s He then illustrates how the family, in particular the parents, shape the personality, largely through a process he calls scripting James underplays the role of peers and culture in shaping the individual, in my humble opini [...]


    25. A real struggle Based mostly on what sounds like a lighthearted title, I think I had expected a romp through the psychology of family life and how to come to terms with one s own personality and do the best for one s family That was not the book I found myself reading.Instead, it s a terribly serious and dry exposition of the author s conviction that nurture in our early years has a huge role to play in determining who we become I ve no doubt that he s right, but I just didn t get along with all [...]


    26. I found this really interesting and useful during a stressful time I did most of the exercises in it, which he constantly says you don t have to, but I never really did the final one, which involves a bit of writing At times with work and so on I found it hard to find time to do the exercises and was so engrossed in reading the book that I was getting backed up with homework, but it was worth it in the end.


    27. I decided to enjoy the book and trust that the author has plenty of experience backed by academic honesty There were somethings I instinctively marked as needs research , but it did open my eyes to additional arguments around the nature nurture debate and helped me understand what influenced myself and how and why my children are different even though we tried to bring them up the same this has helped me watch out for things and adapt and I m seeing positive results.


    28. They F You Up provides a heavily behavioralist slant on the nature vs nurture debate The material is compelling and sometimes shocking, and the presentation is targeted towards the general public rather than a scientific audience.If true, the contents of this book strongly suggest that as a society we are thinking about parenting wrongly One issue I have is that references are not included inline, so it s difficult to cross reference information against primary sources.


    29. Nature vs nurture Oliver has very clearly favoured nurture over genetic composure at birth throughout this very convincing argument More focus is needed to address this fault introduced by the science of eugenics Trouble is how will Oliver s argument prevail over the much popular genetics one Only time will tell.


    30. Wonderful look at how he first four years of your life impact the rest of it Not a blame the parents exercise, though he does give food for thought in terms of understanding how your parents have created you Great way to try to understand yourself further without going down stoopid self help cult routes or the like.


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